In the often-glamorous world of professional football, stories of profound personal struggle can sometimes remain hidden beneath the surface of televised glory. Josip Ilicic, the Slovenian maestro renowned for his elegant left foot and unpredictable brilliance, has recently offered a rare glimpse into the “darkness” that nearly consumed him. Now 37 and enjoying the game`s twilight in Slovenia, Ilicic`s reflections are not merely a retrospective of goals and assists but a poignant narrative of resilience, mental fortitude, and the harsh realities faced by athletes when the spotlights dim.
The Formative Years: From Bosnian Streets to Italian Stages
Ilicic`s journey began far from the manicured pitches of Serie A. Born in Bosnia, he lost his father at a tender age, growing up under the steadfast guidance of his mother and brother. It was on the streets, he recalls, that his formidable left foot and combativeness were forged. “My strikes, my left foot, were born on the street,” he states, painting a picture of raw talent honed by necessity rather than academy structures.
His breakthrough into Italian football came with Palermo, where he quickly caught the eye. Under the eccentric but protective President Zamparini, Ilicic found a haven. Zamparini, a connoisseur of unconventional talents, shielded him from criticism, seeing the unique spark in players like Ilicic, Pastore, and Miccoli. Yet, even in this nurturing environment, Ilicic felt an underlying melancholy, once described by sporting director Sabatini as “biological sadness.” This introspection would later prove a precursor to deeper struggles.
A move to Fiorentina followed, a period Ilicic describes as “complex.” Despite consistently being a top scorer and assist provider, he felt perpetually undervalued by a section of the Florentine faithful. “I`m done with Florentines,” he candidly admits, highlighting the frustrating paradox of delivering results yet still facing scrutiny over his price tag. A touch of irony perhaps, for a city famed for its artistic appreciation, yet seemingly blind to his on-field artistry.
Atalanta: A Magical Symphony and Gasperini`s Demanding Baton
It was at Atalanta where Ilicic truly soared, becoming the creative lynchpin of one of European football`s most exciting teams. The move, almost derailed by a prior agreement with Sampdoria, was sealed by a decisive phone call from Gian Piero Gasperini. The coach`s philosophy was brutally simple: push beyond every perceived limit.
“Between one training session and another, you can`t sleep: your legs pulsate, you`re tired, you feel like vomiting,” Ilicic recounts, detailing the grueling pre-season camps. “But it gets into your head like no one else. If you pass the training camp test… then you understand. How many games did we turn around thanks to that running?”
This relentless conditioning forged an Atalanta side that ran opponents into the ground, a team that could score five against Milan or Parma, and even two at Anfield. Ilicic, alongside the likes of Papu Gomez, Muriel, and Pasalic, formed an attack that could “play with eyes closed” and still find the net. They were, in his words, “strong, magical,” a collective “rewriting the history of football.” The only missing piece of this fantastical puzzle was a major trophy, a void that still gnaws at him, particularly the controversial 2019 Coppa Italia final.
The Zenith in Valencia, The Abyss in Bergamo
The night of March 10, 2020, stands as Ilicic`s personal Everest: four goals against Valencia in the Champions League, propelling Atalanta to the quarter-finals. He was in the form of his life, a player seemingly touched by destiny. Many wondered, had circumstances not intervened, what heights that Atalanta side, and Ilicic himself, could have reached. “We would have reached the Champions League final,” he firmly believes.
But as Ilicic reached his peak, the world began to shut down. The COVID-19 pandemic struck Bergamo with horrifying ferocity, turning a city into a global symbol of tragedy. Ilicic found himself isolated for 42 days, separated from his family. The stark contrast between Bergamo, where “coffins paraded in trucks,” and his native Slovenia, where “it was as if COVID didn`t exist,” deeply affected his psyche. This isolation, coupled with the grim reality unfolding around him, spiraled into a profound depression.
During this period, false rumors about his wife circulated, claiming infidelity. These fabricated stories inflicted immense pain, not just on him but on his family. Ilicic steadfastly denies them, expressing disbelief at the cruelty. He explains his silence at the time: publicly denying the rumors would have meant revealing his fragile mental state, a vulnerability he wasn`t ready to expose. “My family, friends, and teammates knew the truth,” he asserts, underscoring the importance of his private support network.
Gasperini`s Unwavering Push and a Legacy of Love
Throughout his darkest hours, Gasperini remained a constant, albeit uniquely demanding, presence. The coach, visibly moved when speaking about Ilicic`s struggles, pushed him when others might have demurred. Ilicic recalls being told to play even after a severe infection, a scenario eerily mirrored during his four-goal haul in Valencia when he requested a substitution after his third goal, only for Gasperini to ignore him, leading to a fourth. “He pushed me beyond the limits I thought I had,” Ilicic reflects, acknowledging the profound, if unconventional, impact of his coach.
The physical toll, particularly persistent tendon issues, eventually forced Ilicic to step away from the relentless pace of Atalanta`s high-intensity football. He recounts turning down moves to big clubs, preferring to be a protagonist in Bergamo rather than “one of many” elsewhere. His departure was tinged with sadness, but also a sense of peace, returning home after 12 years. The emotional bond with Atalanta fans remains unbroken; their chants for him at a match years later, even when he wasn`t playing, brought him to tears and confirmed the depth of the love he received.
Josip Ilicic`s story is a compelling reminder that behind every dazzling performance lies a human being, susceptible to the same vulnerabilities and struggles as anyone else. His journey, marked by extraordinary talent, the uncompromising demands of elite sport, and a battle with unseen demons, culminates in a quiet contentment, enjoying the beautiful game on his own terms. It`s a tale of triumph, tragedy, and the enduring power of the human spirit, etched forever in the annals of football history.
Wesley Dunham